Directions on how to ....

...kill a cricket at 5:22am.

1. First notice the huge jumping cricket as dog barks and starts jumping herself.
2. Find a shoe and stand about 6 feet away.
3. Try to throw said shoe on cricket hoping to suffocate it.
4. Realize that I missed the cricket. Get another shoe.
5. Prepare for backup. Bring out aerosol can of Big Sexy Root Pump for hair.
6. Remain six feet away and start spraying the bastard.
7. Boom! One more jump and cricket has croaked.
8. Pick little bastard up with toilet paper and flush.

Ah. Yep, that's one way to do it!